5 Reasons to Give A Standing Ovation Every Time

It's not often you can make the world a better place without it costing you money, time or effort. But when it comes to the live arts, there's one utterly free, utterly painless thing you can do to increase your enjoyment, improve artists' lives and make a big difference: 

At the end of every show you see, stand up and applaud. 
 
I'm talking like tipping in America, or 5-star Uber ratings: by default. Whether you judge what you've seen to be genius, run of the mill or barely tolerable, stand the fuck up. Why? Why not? 

1. YOU'RE ABOUT TO STAND UP ANYWAY. Once the performers have left the stage, you're going to get up and leave. Stand up 30 seconds earlier, stretch those legs and make everyone feel better - including yourself - Because
2. THIS WAY, YOU MIGHT ENJOY IT MORE: Standing and applauding will make you feel you had a better time than you really did. It's the secret that people who sit through Presidential State of the Nation addresses and those who pay $600 for a ticket to the Met learned long ago. A standing ovation puts you back in charge of your entertainment experience. Be the cherry on your own top. 
3. THE PERFORMANCE IS JUST THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG. You know those awful stories you hear about artists' lives? It's worse than you could ever imagine. Work is scarce, the money is terrible, personal dignity is under constant assault. The only reason anyone does it is because they genuinely want to make their communities better places to be and this is the best way they can think of. Who cares how that manifests itself on stage? That deserves a standing O. 
4. 'I'M SPARTACUS': Standing ovation by default is a little flashmob. When you stand with me, or for me, I know you're part of the club. Membership is open, the fee is standing up. If enough people do it it becomes a part of the culture. It becomes a movement. It becomes something that people come to shows to be part of. Many sports, public and cultural events are made better by the crowd. This option is open to theatre, but we rarely take it.
5. IT'S LIKE TIPPING. But free. In America, tipping makes no sense. Oh, you didn't like the food? What's that got to do with the person who dropped the plate in front of you? Didn't get a smile? Fuck you. The world should be different. But it’s not. Only arseholes don't tip. YOU WOULDN'T NOT CLAP. So why don’t we evolve this tradition by the length of our legs. Let’s make it that you wouldn't not stand.
6. WHAT ARE YOU? A CRITIC? So you hated it. I hate to break it to you, but you have no way to convey that to me from the audience. You're never going to boo. Not coming doesn't work either: there’s so many other reasons you might not turn up that I always assume it’s one of those. If everyone stands by default, then the message of those audience members not in wheelchairs or otherwise incapable of standing would come thru loud and clear:  I suck. So if you want to have the power to play the that card, all you need to do give standing ovations to anything barely tolerable.